Pets at Home

So I'm at Pets at Home buying a bag of dog food for my dog 🐶 

While in the queue, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food?
So being top notch with the banter I told her "No, I don't have a dog, I'm starting my Dog Food Diet again" and that I probably really shouldn't because the last time, I had ended up in hospital, in intensive care with IV's in both arms and tubes coming out of most orifices. But I had lost 3 stone in 4 weeks!
I told her that it was essentially the Perfect Diet and all you have to do is load your pockets with handfuls of dry dog food and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. I get the 'Complete' food as it is nutritionally balanced, so it works really well, and I decided that I was going to give it another go.

Horrified, she asked if I had ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her "No, I stepped off a curb to sniff a Cocker Spaniel's arse and a lorry hit me.